Why CFER’s real name is not Grace

So we are having an awesome time in Thailand. We’ve seen amazing sights, met cool people, and had unique experiences to write home about. Part of my wife’s goal with this trip was to make memories… apparently in any way possible.

During the bike tour of Bangkok she clearly decided that pretending we were playing bumper bikes was a good idea. With everything. She was running into walls, into benches, and nearly over cats and dogs at an astounding rate. Seriously. (CFER here… Unfortunately, I can’t deny any of those. It all happened. I’m just glad he forgot about the fence.) One of the German guys on the tour actually wished me luck after one particular goofy run-in with a bench. Which as you can guess was stationary – as benches normally are.

In her defense, some of the areas we rode through were incredibly narrow (literally 2.5 feet wide) so it wasn’t all her fault. However, the most memorable and painful part of the ride was not running into the metal wall in the narrow alleyway. Nope. It was when she wrecked. On the highway. A 6 lane highway. With no cars in sight in either direction. Into a parked moped.

The details went something like this…

She was riding in front of me at the time (which we had incorrectly decided was a safer formation) and I was the last in our group of 7. We were turning right through an intersection. Nobody around except our group. And she says that she heard something behind her (she claims it was me but I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered something like that). We’re not sure what it was but she decided that she should turn around and stare at me and ask if I’m all right. I answer yes but what I’m really thinking about is how she keeps drifting left toward the moped sitting on the side of the road.

It takes her about two seconds to look at me and then turn back around and by the time she does I’m already slamming on my brakes as I was only about 7 feet behind her. She’s about a foot away from the moped by the time she sees it and doesn’t even bother with the brakes. She just cuts out toward the middle of the road to try to avoid it. Unfortunately, not only did she not avoid it, she plows straight into it and bounces off.

As I mentioned, I already had my brakes fully locked and am about at a 45 degree angle with the pavement looming over my wife who is completely sprawled out on the highway. I barely get my momentum stopped and wound up planting myself onto the handlebars and (very unfortunately as I’m a guy) the top tube.

I first thought we were going to die by getting run over by some car turning onto the road behind us. Then I started wishing I was dead as all the pain hit me. Then I checked on CFER only to find out that she only wound up with a small scratch on her leg from her tire. That’s it. She was wearing her knee brace which actually took most of the fall. So I’m really the only one in pain. Oh, and the guy whose moped it was standing on the side of the road with his arms crossed, shaking his head. I think he was probably cursing the stupid foreigners and wondering what he did to deserve his luck.

Leave it to CFER to wait until the safest 5 seconds of the entire trip to completely wipe out both of us. Thanks goodness we have a good health insurance plan. We’ve got 7 more days here!

For photos and more info on the Bike Tour, check out: Colors of Bangkok Bike Tour


2 thoughts on “Why CFER’s real name is not Grace

  1. OH MY GOSH!!!! I was dying laughing through this entire post. I had tears in my eyes by the end and could hardly finish reading. I could totally see this all happening right before me. Glad you guys made it through the tour alive and somewhat well. Have fun for the rest of your trip. BE SAFE!!!!

  2. Pingback: Colors of Bangkok Bike Tour